hi, my name is bonnie . . .

and i am the only academic who doesn't grow a thriving garden and can my fruits and vegetables. i am certainly the only Utahan who doesn't.

how did this happen, you wonder? i'm not sure. first, came the switch from fresh to frozen. next, it was Prego instead of fresh. soon, it was Lean Cuisine paninis and me, too busy attempting to keep up with "my career." but it wasn't always like this . . .

growing up, i imagined that i would be that woman, growing her own veggies and toasting her own oats and whatnot for her beloved vats of multidimensional granola. i would have already received my gold medal for swimming, and i would "keep up" -- she says, having never actually arrived -- with daily yoga, running, and other athletic feats, for whenever i could not get to the pool. actually, by now, i would have had my own pool in my backyard. enclosed, heated, private. with lush deck chairs and a steam sauna off to one side of the pristine white deck, never itself absent a lush pile of delicious white towels the size of king bedsheets. everything would smell of fresh linens, even if it was in part the chlorine making that crisp impression.

oh right. vegetables . . . i know. i too was rather enjoying the scenery, but so . . .

i b*tch about these things, but i don't do so to bash my veggie-growing/canning colleagues. i am, instead, inspired. or maybe it's more accurate to say that i admire you.

what?
why don't i simply . . .

oh, right. it is true, i have a massive yard, which i had hoped to fashion into a magical wonderland for my loveable dogs and my angelic children. but i have neither dogs nor children. so. a garden? maybe it's time (i don't even know when people plant, so there's that to figure out).

maybe best, for now (one day at a time-style), to liberate my impossible garden and continue to enjoy the vicarious pleasures of seeing what my colleagues have produced; it's a habit, a professional inevitability, watching everyone grow and evolve and write amazing things and make stuff and *produce*. as Chauncy Gardener says, "i like to watch."

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