refreshivising (10 things)

some of my speculation will seem self-defeating, but i assure you that i am in a very fine and decent mood, contemplating my reality as opposed to striving in ways that (often) disappoint and frustrate. even within my self-doubt*, however, i feel renewed in my efforts, however limited and/or limiting or otherwise less-than-ideally grandiose and appropriate to the academic's sense of largesse. aka, it's fine.

so then, the list:

1.) finish Kairos revision.
2.) advance house projects: master bath caulk project, new house #'s, organizing office, continue creating Mike's separate office out of what has become the "storage" (aka "dumping") room.
3.) pull weeds & general yard work.
4.) continue exercise plan. i have been p-r-i-t-t-y dedicated, i must say, and i'm very pleased with myself. no one reads blogs anymore, right? so, i can say things like this :)

5.) get back to reviews of literature for book project even as i feel somewhat defeated about print publishing and, as is often the case, more invested in delivery via live performance (fancy!), preparation for which gorges on my time.

6.) continue drafting introduction and early chapters of book project.
7.) maintain contemplative mood re: whether a book will be/is necessary, given my status at my institution and seeming inability to land a new job (i had considered placing some cursing symbols here, but i'm increasingly chill about it, despite collegial notes about "not giving up" ... life is short ...), even as i am hopeful about new publishing venues/opportunities appearing in my inbox like shiny magic :)

(i love and will complete my book. enough already!)

8.) continue filling in my film history by catching up on docs and indie classics.

9.) discover a new look for my insane and schizophrenic hair.

10.) redesign main web page and links.

* which is obviously a function of The Grand (Academic's) Success Narrative.

w/ the fam ...

Recently, i went to Atlanta to say "good bye" to an old friend, Frank Mullen (aka "Frank-o"), my former brother-in-law and father of my nephew/godson, Kyle. Frank loved his life and enjoyed it like no one I know. Every bite of toast, every sip of Coke, every band gig, or chat with a friend was filled with Frank's desire for laughter and delight, and he always found it. What an awesome friend. In Highschool, I was pretty fat, a loner ... didn't get invited to any of the big dances, but Frank invited me to my school's Homecoming ... even showed up with a corsage (!), just like a "real" date. And we danced like goobers in the dry ice, sipping rum he'd brought, mixed with the school-sponsored cokes.

There are too many good memories to share, here. He was way too young (48). Still, many of us are relieved that his suffering is over.

Last Saturday (05/09/2009), as I was flying toward Atlanta, I had a feeling I'd miss my chance, and as it turned out I didn't get there in time to see him before he passed away at 9:15 that evening.

The week I spent in Atlanta was filled with silence and prayer and joking around and memories and reconnecting. Recalling Frank's life and his impact on me revitalizes ... renews me in my efforts to seek The Pleasure; life and work and striving can grind it down, and, regrettably, I've been quite expert at letting it all happen. but so Frank-o reminds me that I must f*ck the bullsh*t (profound, n'est-ce pas?). and so here is a great picture (2005, by Jim Stawniak via Atlanta's Creative Loafing) of Frank doing his thing, taking pics at a rock show (see his portfolio for more).

Mostly, I am and will always be grateful that I was able to spend such an intimate time with Carrie (my sis, Kyle's mom) and Kyle. It's so truly humbling and remarkable when people let you into the depths of their lives ...

nb: to read the captions and enlarge, click on any image to get to the album in Picasa. i recommend that you view via "slideshow." By way of explanation: many pics are in Kyle's room, which i redecorated while i was there (my "gift": i like to make the pretty). Shoutout also to Carrie's current husband, Rob (thanks, Rob!).

caps

i hate capital letters. i can't fully explain it. but as a new project in working conventions, i'm converting references (in links, @ right) so that names and titles are properly capitalized. this, as part of my ongoing my efforts to figure out what is wrong with me (ha!) and in my attempt to fix myself (HA!). i hope this helps. and, until you are "converted," please be patient.

this is painful. i hope you appreciate my gesture.