So i've just completed the latest revisions to my c.v. It's fine looking, i suppose. Alotta lists. Alotta work. But so also just happened: i'm posting a response to a friend's Facebook post about a long-ago audition, in which he reflects upon the advice of the Director ("go home and listen to Frank Sinatra"). i'm empathizing from the perspective of a girl who's studied acting since her early 40's and share my disaffection for the process. All of this in the span of a short 1/2 hour. Convergences? Epiphanies? Who can say? (certainly, i cannot say, not here ... not in public!).
What i think i'm writing about here is my ennui regarding auditions, and i'm doing so by thinking about how the c.v. is a kind of "first look," which is all fine. Except that i have this radically over-entitled belief that i needn't be auditioning at this late stage in my career. And this of course compels me to question many of my choices, past and present. And, well, after last night's complete indecision regarding whether or not to drive up the canyon to The Owl Bar for a little social interaction but worrying that without Mike, who rarely drinks and usually ends up doing the driving after such outings ... well, in the hangover of that uncertainty, i cannot say that i'm much in the mood for indecision.
But then, isn't my work as a rhetorician and compositionist and DIY filmmaker, teacher, and wanabe "creative" about exploring a smattering of possibilities all at the same time? ... and feeling comfy doing so? i think the answer is "yes," and so i'm reposting the image, above. i'm looking at it and crushing myself to accept and even attempt to radiate what she's putting out there. A girl can try, and sometimes, she believes it.