well, i'm not sure i can keep this up. i'm no champion performer (like Christine Ebersole, aka "Miss Broadway," left, . . . that's me, nervously playing w/ my hair and gushing like a freak about her unspeakably moving performance in Grey Gardens). i mean, despite Rich's encouragment, writing here may not be the best thing for me. first of all, it's incredibly self-indulgent. second, there is the "i'm writing into a black hole" sensation of it, which is for me both enchanting and disappointing, like the time i tried to throw an impromptu Academy Awards Watching party . . . i'd made up "menus" w/ the lists of nominees so guests could predict . . . i wore a silly gown that i'd had from some formal event past . . . and yes, i ended up watching the show alone, just me and my husband. it's hysterically funny now -- think Paul Giamatti -- but, well, this is my point . . . [take out whiny stuff about recent rejection] . . . so this feeling of rejection, w/ which i am entirely too familiar (working in academe, working in film, . . . living -- see, there's PG), well, it's no good. yes, i'm talking about feelings because writing is about feelings . . . [remove long and possibly offensive digression here] . . . colleagues of mine keep telling me, "it's not personal," which sounds lovely, a lovely way to dismiss someone, but it's always personal. writing is always personal. writing is always standing alone in your silly Oscar gown drinking cheap champagne and wondering why you bother. . . . i hear you, . . . oh, the drama . . . the inelegantly howling agony . . . so yes, i'm thinking that the rejection of blogging is not for me (or for my students, i'm beginning to think). i mean, even as you write, you think about getting rejected (this is pretty much always the case, . . . except when i'm writing to perform, to perform live, which is an entirely different matter, and i sort of think about my audience but am much more invested in a particular creative vision; i learned that lingo from Sundance, . . . their loving, nurturing, slavish devotion to a "creative vision" . . . it's really quite all that). so but well, i've got to write those books. in a way, writing here is giving me the incentive to do it . . . i mean, by comparison, the books i have planned will be of some Mighty Importance . . . ha. ha.