Monday, June 11, 2007


no whining today. the PSU booking situation is under control. first, i was able to get a room at the conference hotel, after all (a *very* nice woman at the hotel helped me out). but it wasn't only her kindness that has me thinking angelic thoughts. no, it seems that the conference local arrangements person, John Farris (thank you, John) was also looking out for me; he had found me a room in a nearby hotel. and Stuart Selber himself had written to me in order to help out. so now i'm feeling that this will be the best conference ever! (there's some bipolar thinking for you . . . is that a "developmental stage"?).

really, i'm quite happy. one appreciable contributing factor to my shiny state of affairs must be the 10 hours of sleep i got last night. fabulous. now, i'm ready to edit the next minute of my film. you will probably be seeing this image (the angel, above, left) in it. and others from this web space. also, yesterday, i was working out to an Erasure cd (greatest hits/images: google) . . . it was a jaunty good time, especially that track, Drama! (, in which we are exhorted to get over ourselves ("your shame is never---rrr----rrr---rrr . . . ending/ just one . . . psychological drama after another . . . "). i may have to work out to that again today. bill d. , you may now officially say that i am no punk because, yes, i do love my 80's pop, and i'm not ashamed to say it. in fact, living in Utah, you get a LOT of 80's pop. i keep meaning to go to this dance club in Salt Lake City where every Thursday is 80's night, but online reviews now have it as "lame." i should go see for myself, however awkward it may feel/seem/be. it's sick that i have not been dancing in forever. i really must get over myself.

i think that something happens when you develop a sense of yourself as a professional. but for me, the creakiness has more to do (probably) with my stupidly lingering fears about health. a brain tumor will do that to you. i like to think that it doesn't define me any longer, but it's still pestering my desires to transcend. last night, watching Christine Ebersole -- Ms. Broadway -- win her WELL DESERVED Tony Award for her amazing performance in Grey Gardens (hear songs here/great site) . . . remembering how i had so deeply identified with Little Edie and her longing to move on, to (trot out the clich├ęs) make something of herself as an artist . . . well, so last night, wathing the awards, i kept forcing myself to believe that i could never do anything so spectacular. it's horrid. in my acting class, one of the very first i took about 3 years ago, my teacher asked us to try to remember the moment when we were made to believe that we had no creative thing to offer. that's quite a question, quite a reflective moment. seeing Grey Gardens brings it all up . . . i was a sobbing, slobbering, sticky mess, at the show's end. i had to stay put for a while in order to compose myself. then, meeting Ms. Ebersole at the stage door (yes, i'm awfully provincial!) was unspeakably special. clearly, i urge you to see the show.

well, how's that for drama? Collin has been talking about doing autobiographical bits at his web space, but he wants to keep it short. i can't seem to do that. i'm a leaky faucet like that. if you've read this far, good on you, and thanks, and why?

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